


You made me forget myself

by LlawenGwaed



Series: Perfect Day [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s04e03 Day of Honor, Episode: s04e05 Revulsion, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:22:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22864744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlawenGwaed/pseuds/LlawenGwaed
Summary: A sequel to "You just keep me Hanging on." Tom looks for advice in unusual places.Based after Day of Honor, before and during Revulsion.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Series: Perfect Day [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643563
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	You made me forget myself

The holodeck program looked much like the Day of Honor simulation Tom had built, however instead of warriors with pain sticks, the program was fronted by a robust, genial looking male Klingon, dressed in a sash of one of the great houses and in a more comfortable tunic than the standard Klingon armour.

The hologram began to speak in a theatrical, annunciating tone.

"With fire and steel did the gods forge the Klingon heart. So fiercely did it beat, so loud was the sound, that the gods cried out,-“

“Computer- I’ve heard this thirty times. Skip past the introduction to interactive element.” Tom interrupted.

The program glitched and the hologram figure refreshed and turned to Tom. “What truth do you seek from a Klingon, Human?” The hologram sneered.

Tom squared up to the figure. “A Klingon woman has declared her love for me, and I don’t know what I should do next.”

“Pah. You are like a mewling paagrat. You should take the oath!”

Shaking his head, Tom smirked. “I don’t think she’d want that.”

“She is Klingon! If she has declared her love for you, it is for you to claim her love.”

“So- I should make the first move?” Folding his arms, Tom contemplated that.

“A show of strength will assure her your heart beats as hers does.” The hologram said, a little softer.

“I don’t know.”

“Humans!” The hologram started to pace in frustration. “You never act on pure instinct. You spend so long deciding that the moment is often taken from you.” His tone changed, it became almost patronising. “It is not your fault. Klingon's are taught this as children.”

“Well- She’s only half Klingon. Half Human.”

“A mongrel-.” Tom took a moment, hearing the use of such a derogatory term. Perhaps he’d made this program too authentic. “You did not say this before.” 

“Does it matter?” Tom asked.

“Perhaps. What other signs has she given of her love?” The Klingon studied Tom. “Your face has not been marked-“

“She has bitten me.” He nodded.

“Good! And did you bite her in return?”

“No.” Tom said quickly and firmly declaring in his tone of voice that returning the bite would have been an unacceptable action. “No, I did not.”

“Fool! And she still declares her love?”

“Yes.” He grimaced slightly before speaking again. “Or at least she did a few days ago.”

“DAYS! You have kept her waiting for DAYS!” The hologram shook his head. “You must go to her! Before the human influence makes her as indecisive as you are!” 

***

The face in the mirror stared back at Tom Paris. He was staring himself down, trying to figure out how to start this conversation.

In an hour he’d been attending the official dinner for Tuvok’s promotion. So he’d see her in an hour.

He’d barely glimpsed her in three days. Three days since she said ‘I love you.” Three days since hanging in space close to death.

Three days since either of them had managed to say a word to each other. He gave her time to cool off.

He’d given himself time to cool off as well. Once he was over the surprise of what she’d said, he’d gone into quite deep anger. _Was that really going to make our last few minutes of life better? So we could really regret our wasted lives before the end?_

He calmed down about the whole thing. But now he was going to have to undertake the most awkward conversation of his life.

No, not awkward. Awkward was not the word. Potentially life-altering was probably the gist of it.

There were two options. Either they forgot all about it because she hadn’t meant to say it- or they acted on it.

His stomach pitched at the idea this might not happen. That they might not happen, but if she hadn’t meant it- if she had only intended those words as a dying gift of validation that wasn’t quite true- then it had no place in their lives. He’d have to accept it and move on.

He narrowed his eyes and looked at himself. What if she did mean it? What if all the flirting and banter and time spent shoulder to shoulder had caused her to love him? What if all he had to do was make the first move?

Well- he wouldn’t know until he talked to her.

“B’Elanna-“ he says to the mirror. _Seriously? That’s the face you pull when you say her name._

He sighed, relaxed his jaw and tried again. “B’Elanna- look-.” _Don’t point at her. That’s instant shields up._

“B’Elanna- what you said. About being in love with me-.” _Stop gesticulating with your hands, you look like you’re putting on a show and forgot the puppets._

_Try honesty._

“B’Elanna, I find you infuriating, and difficult and frankly this is probably a really bad idea. But I love you and I want to be with you.”

_Better. You looked less stupid saying that. But, you can’t say that to her._

“B’Elanna, I really hope you meant what you said, because I love you too.”

_Better. But coming on way too strong. She’ll run from that like a Bolian in a Ktarian curry house._

“B’Elanna- I’ll understand if you didn’t mean what you said.”

_Good. Give her an out. At least that’ll settle matters._

******

“…I know you probably didn't mean it.” He had managed to stammer his way to what he was actually trying to say. Barely able to get the words out.

Tom was trying to hear what B’Elanna was saying through the blood pumping through his head, his pounding heart seemingly the loudest thing on the ship.

He was trying to remember what he’d practiced and what the Klingon on the holodeck had told him.

Now his life went one way or other depending on what she said next.

“No, no, I meant it.”

Tom’s brain barely had time to decipher what she had just said before she moved to the next sentence. “But I don't expect you to reciprocate.”

 _What. The. Hell._ _How do you think this is one sided thing? Do I have to put myself on ship wide comms and shout it before you get it through that ridged skull of yours?_

Somehow, she’d created a third option. Of the two ways this could go, she had somehow created a middle path where she did love him but they should just ignore it. A third option. Typical engineer.

“Really, you can just pretend that I didn't say it.” She’d somehow both talked herself into, and out of this at the same time. Truly she was wondrous.

Tom nodded. Not in agreement, but more of a processing, _are you really saying this?_

He thought of the Klingon’s advice on the holodeck. _A show of strength._

“In fact let's just pretend that I didn't-.”

He made a snap decision based on instinct and went for it. Typical pilot. “Shut up.” He pushed against her, pressing her to the wall. His hands on her forearms.

He paused for a moment and their eyes locked. If he had seen anything but desire in her eyes he wouldn’t have kissed her.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who thought Tom should have just battered down the door and not waited three days. I also loved the idea of a Klingon Agony Uncle.


End file.
